Monday, April 6, 2009

The Only Child's Last Stand

I think that sometimes I date, just because I'm bored.

I started talking to this guy, we'll call him "Only Child". Because, when I first started talking to him, I immediately knew he was.
What was it that tipped me off? The way he always had to have his way? His impatience, his me-me-me-me attitude? All that and more. All that, and MORE.

I actually feel sorry for the guy. I mean, after two conversations he tells me that I should be patient with him, because he hasn't dated in like 5 years. Red flag #1.
When I ask him why, he counters with what he thinks I want to hear.
He says that he just isn't into casual sex, blah, blah, blah.
I believe that like I believe my mailman is really Fabio.
If I show up at this guy's house wearing only a thin layer of oil, he'll be all up in me like stuffing in a Thanksgiving turkey.

Instead of just dumping him like countless other girls before me had the good sense to do, I feel sorry for him. I think that I'll try to help him out a little, by being completely honest with him.

He does not appreciate my honesty.

In this short span of time, two or three weeks, I don't really remember, he says some things to me that are pretty wacky.
I dismiss them, I mean, he's not exactly socially retarded. Maybe just a few points past, but those few points count. Right?

Anyway, Monday I had my fill of him, for good. It wasn't just one particular thing, but two incidents that decided the Only Child's fate.

1. He texts me randomly, to ask me if I want kids. I freak out immediately, then realize maybe he's not borderline, maybe he is socially retarded. And that is a handicap...
I tell him I haven't decided yet. If he were to put me on the spot and ask me if I want HIS kids, that would be a big hell no, roger that.
He continues on, telling me that his best friend says that since I am 30, I shouldn't have children past the age of 35.
This pisses me off, and I see red. Having someone else discussing my ability to have kids will do that, every time.
I tell him that it's really not her business, and that I don't want to discuss it further.
He continues. Did I mention he's an only child?
He says "Yeah, I told her she's got too big of a heart."
What the fucking shit? Are we having the same conversation?
I tell him "I think she needs to mind her business about the kid thing, because that is something that is not her concern. Unless she gets me pregnant."
He finally gets the point, then tells me "You blow things way out of proportion."

On this note, I just stop talking to him. It's better that way.

He must actually realize that it's best he doesn't talk to me for awhile, because I'm left in piece for about an hour.
Until I get this:


This from someone I've known for only a few weeks. Plus, a picture that he doctored, that somehow I find worse than the picture of me kissing his dick.
It's a picture of me, him, and his dog. A fucking family picture, no shit!

So, then, it's time to have a talk with him. A talk I'm sure he's had many times before.
I tell him "You're a great guy, but you're not my great guy. I hope you find someone who appreciates you for everything you are."
Did I think that would be the end of it? Well, kinda.
His response "I won't give up on you that easily. You told me before that I was too demanding, and I changed that." (this actually makes me laugh, because the only thing he's changed since I've known him is his underwear. I hope.)

Basically, he offers to change, and I tell him no. He keeps on and on until I'm sick of talking about it, and a little sad for him.
He tries to guilt me into a relationship, until I finally tell him that we can be friends or we can be nothing.
He gets it.

And the fucked up part is, I feel bad for him. Because, like it or not, I know he's wondering what exactly he did. He's probably even a pretty good guy, to his dog. And his mom.

7 comments:

otherworldlyone said...

He must be from South Carolina. It's about time those weird fuckers started bothering someone other than me. Haha.

Um...what's up with the penis?

Sally-Sal said...

It looks a little blue, doesn't it? I'm guessing that it just needed some CPR. A little mouth to peen would've revived it beautifully...

otherworldlyone said...

Yeah...and kept him around longer than he was wanted.

Phat Mama said...

Yeah, I feel sorry for him too. I'm such a sucker for those pathetic men.

LOL@mouth to peen!

Charmed said...

You did the right thing. If you feel uncomfortable, it is not going to work out.

Mr. Condescending said...

that guy is a loser!

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