I love this guy. There's just something about him.
I'm not the kind of girl to get silly over actors, but he really cracks me up.
Awesome lines:
We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger (MIB)
In Dodgeball:
Come on! I get better runs in my shorts!
And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!
My sweet dick, it's magic!
I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Listen up, crotch stain. Remember your training, and trust your instincts. You can do it! I believe in you! Bye-bye!
Plus, there's the fact of his DUI arrests. Now, I don't condone drinking and driving, but if you're gonna get a dewey (DUI), get it in style, like my buddy Rip.
I remember watching some of the arrest footage of his first with my brother, the cop. We ended up laughing ourselves silly. In the arrest footage, you can see Rip, hair a la Don King, threatening the police to 'send you all to jail' in his signature voice. Priceless.
Officer: "Your refusal to submit to a test…"
Torn: "I won't say anything until you take these cuffs off."
Officer: "Or portion thereof…"
Torn: "I will not say anything until you take these cuffs off."
Officer: "Can be introduced as evidence against you."
Torn: "I will not say anything until you take these cuffs off… I have witnesses to what I drank, one and a half drinks, okay? Go to hell you guys. Take these cuffs off."
In his latest, he's 77 years old. Now, I don't know how many 70 year olds do that kinda thing, but I'm betting Rip is the kinda grandpa who'd offer you a drink of his Jameson, telling you it'd grow hair on your peach. Or something similar.
In his latest dewey, "He failed part of a field sobriety exam, then gave up after saying the ground wasn't level enough". In my mind, I hear him saying something to the effect of "I'll do your goddamn tests when this road stops moving!"
I'll leave you all with the 5 D's of dodgeball:
Dodge. Duck. Dip. Drive. Drunk.
