Dickery/Retardery

This could be filed under reasons why I'm a dick.

A few weeks ago, me, my sister, her boyfriend, and her friend, Dicks (as in, bag of) went to the store to get drinks, and cigarettes.

We always go to the same store, becaues Dicks has a thing for the guy who works there. She says he looks like Ryder Strong. She says that everytime we have to run any type of errands.

Dicks is pretty much in love with him, and tries to play it cool (come pet kitteh, come pet kitteh, oh no, you can't pet kitteh) and get him interested in her. Which inevitably fails.

Anyway, this particular day, it was the four of us in my sister's little orange car (which always makes me feel like I'm riding in a pumpkin, Cinderella-style), and Dicks is at the wheel.

When she pulls up, before she says anything else, she blurts out to the guy "You look just like Ryder Strong."

He raises an eyebrow, and says "You told me that last time."

As soon as he says that, me and my sister's boyfriend (we're in the back seat) look at each other and cackle like a couple of crazy people. I can't stop laughing, and my sister's boyfriend D says "REJECTED!"

I start laughing hysterically, then came up with the song lyrics below. I serenaded Dicks with them.

Dicks was not amused.

The lyrics I put together are based on actual events. One day she decided to call him, because the quickest way to make a guy fall in love with you is over the telephone. Obviously, it's obvious.

In the course of that 30 second conversation, he told her he thought she was a lesbian.

/End of the Ryder Strong thing. He is now 'a dick'.

(The bandana thing is mine. I know the Ryder Strong guy, he actually likes me. We affectionately call each other 'gangsta'.)


(To the tune of Riders on the Storm)

Ryder Strong works at this store
Ryder Strong works at this store
Yeah, you've told him that before
And you tell him that once more
Cause you're stalking him for sure
Called him up to say/but he thought that you were gay
Ryder, Ryder Strong

Where's his bandana gone?
He doesn't have it on
He threw them all away
When he cut his hair that day
Goodbye, my Rider Strong

An interview with the Jerrod

1. Would you trade in your boyfriend/husband's best quality (sense of humor, honesty blah crap blah) for all the money in the world?

I don't have a boyfriend, but no. I'd never trade anyone's best quality for money. Sense of humor, wit, integrity, and strength of character are the only currency that mean anything to me.

2. What famous actress would play you in the story of your life and who would play me? I'm very important.

My choice would be Ashley Judd. I think she's beautiful, strong, and has a lot of heart. You would be played by Arj Barker, because a) he has facial hair (which I find sexy) b) he's hilarious and c) he looks like he could be ze debbil, and I find that hot.




3. When a girl says "not tonight, I have a headache." What is really up with that and why can't you just take some damn tylenol? It's maximum strength you know.

I have never said that in my life. I would probably sex you up even with a bear trap on my leg, and porcupine quills sticking out of my face.


4. What is the number one song you do not want anyone to know you absolutely love?

I wanna sex you up -- Color Me Badd.

5. Carmen San Diego. World traveler or just a bitch that loves then leaves you?

Both. She's a world travelling bitch who leaves you. But where in the world is Carmen San Diego?