On my next birthday, I've decided to have a Jesus cake. Now, I know you're probably thinking 'blasphemy!' And that's okay. I make no apologies for what I write, or who I am. And I'll probably get yet another ugly email from you, anonymous, and that's okay too.
So, with that little disclaimer in mind, I'll continue.
I'm going to have a Jesus cake for my birthday. There's nothing quite like biting into the sweet body of Christ to celebrate another birthday. I mean, he did make the ultimate sacrifice of dying for me and all, so a cake with his likeness is the least I could do.
I'll probably have the abs. What piece would you like? And no shoveling this in, have some respect. Savor each bite. This is the Jesus, not some gobble and go dessert, like the Incredible Hulk.
Maybe for party favors, I'll hand these out:
I know if you're anything like me, you're wondering how Jesus got those killer abs.
For entertainment, maybe a little K-Fed:
Because you know team Jesus roots for the underdog.
The whole "I had a Jesus-themed birthday party" soundtrack would probably include some of the following:
1. Craig Christ -- Steven Lynch
2. Amish Paradise -- Weird Al
3. Somebody's watching me -- Rockwell
4. Jesus of Suburbia -- Green Day
5. Jesus built my Hotrod -- Ministry
6. Jesus was a Capricorn -- Kris Krisstofferson
(because of these lyrics)
Jesus was a Capricorn
He ate organic food
He believed in love and peace
And never wore no shoes
7. Personal Jesus -- Depeche Mode
8. Jesus etc -- Wilco
9. Jesus Christ Pose -- Soundgarden
10. Jesus was an only son -- Springsteen
Jesus enjoying the party:
Rock me, Rock me, rock me sexy jesus
He died for our sins you gotta believe us
Rock me, Rock me, rock me sexy jesus
All night long
Because this is what is going to happen to me after the party:
Jesus knows
Even the big Lebowski knew:
