Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Niiiice

While blogsurfing this morning, I made my way over to one of my favorite bloggers, Bluz. Part of it is that he's just so balls to the wall truthful, about all manner of things. This is what caught my eye:

Bluz Mother: Tell Uncle Bluz what you did in Sunday School.
Sammy: I busted one.
Bluz: What did the other kids say?
Sammy: Niiiiice.


----
His post got me thinking.

When I was younger, I was obsessed with farts. Trying to make them loud, trying to make them quiet, trying to make them last, trying to make them go away.... Then one magical day (after a story my mom told us, God love her) me and my brother stumbled onto this idea so magical, so brilliant that it must've been handed down from God himself.

We were going to try to bottle and save a fart.

There was a lot of trial and error in this process, let me tell you. We tried Folgers containers(good to the last drop!), mason jars, plastic bags, but nothing really worked. Farts are sly. Farts are sneaky. Somehow, they just...leaked out.

Then, as we were about to scrap this whole idea, enter the plastic bubble.

You know those quarter machines? They dispense all kinds of shit-terrible prizes, encased in those plastic bubbles? Yeah.

We had three or four of those, and we both went to work. You had to be quick, and cap them almost instantly.

We spent probably a whole day doing this. Then, we just sort of...lost track of those bubbles.

It was about a year, maybe even two years later when we located one of those plastic bubbles. We could tell it was one of our 'special' ones, because my brother had considerately written 'fart' across the bottom.

We studied it, like an artifact from an ancient culture. There was never really any doubt that we would open it. We argued over who would do the sniff test, though. We finally decided to open it with both of our faces crowded close together.

I could describe the smell to you, but I'll leave you with just one final thought.

Let me just say... Those things keep.

11 comments:

otherworldlyone said...

Wow. And all we used to do was chase each other, hold each other down, and go to work. Saving them though...you guys were like fart entrepreneurs. Awesome.

jerrod said...

You don't fart. Tell me you don't fart.

Say it.

becca said...

haha

The Mad Hatter said...

You trying to capture a fart = me figuring out farts are flammable.

jules said...

HA HA HA! No way! It really smelled? Too funny. I almost want to try this now...almost!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

This is crazy. I swear to God I just wrote a post about capturing a fart in a Pringles can. Well, not farting INTO the can, but huffing it up and blowing it into the can. What are the chances of two bloggers writing about trapping farts in the same week?

Probably higher than I'd like to admit, actually.

bluzdude said...

Thanks for the love, Sal! Again, I'm so glad to see you up and banging the keys again.

While I can only kick myself over the fact that my little brother and I never figured this trick out on our own, I have to agree with Mad Hatter in that our next step would have been to figure out how to light them and throw them at each other. The collateral damage would have been staggering.

Maryx said...

That is ... slightly disturbing... But brilliant nonetheless!

Sally-Sal said...

OWO:
That would be a dream job. I heard about a lady who recently claimed ownership of the sun, so dream big, I guess :)

jerrod:
I do. And so do you.

Becca:
Dick and fart jokes never go out of style.

Mad Hatter:
I remember those days, too. :)

jules:
It really did. It was probably worse after..fermenting all that time.

SMUK:
In a pringles can? What kind of chip flavor would that be? Butt dumpling?

bluz:
Ass napalm.

Maryx:
ha. Thanks :)

Pumpkin said...

That's simply hilarious, reminds me of all the stupid things I used to do with my 3 brothers... and all the things they managed to con me into doing =D

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