Forgiven

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

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I've sat here a few times, trying to write you, trying to find the combination of words that would tell you all of the things that matter. I fail repeatedly, but I always return.

Occasionally I drive by your apartment, not in the creepy "I hope I can steal a glimpse of her between the crack in her curtains" kind of way~ but you know me with the driving and my loop hasn't changed. I wonder about you. I imagine what you might be doing. Who you might be making laugh. Whose uniform you may have taken ransom. Mostly I just hope that you are alright. I miss you.

I've decided that to me and most certainly others, you are like the magic trousers from that movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". *pause* Before we go any further past this statement, let me assure you I have never seen that gay movie, but I believe I get the basic premice. Girls of all sizes ship the pants around, they magically fit them all from the stick chick to the thick chick and make marvelous things happen in their lives. Cue the music. ~~Anyhoo. You are pants. You enter lives of so many people who seemingly have nothing in common in all shapes and forms, and you just fit them.

For me, I always look for the "why". Why were we friends and then why did you go. You came into my life in the middle of my downward spiral. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing or where I'd end up. I was just blindly running through the dark, desperately seeking a way out and then you were there. You didn't show me the exit. You just walked with me and calmed me and told me everything would be ok. And I believed it. You always let me be who I was, no matter how insane that person was. To be honest, sometimes looking back I wonder if you were real.

When you disappeared it was at the beginning of my divorce and I often wondered why that was when you chose to make your exit, because I felt as if I needed you and you just walked away. Now I know the truth. You had taken me as far as you could and I had to take it from there. I had to stand on my own two feet and thanks to you, I felt like I could. I did. I made it through.

I love you Sally Sal. I think about you often. Sometimes I just want to tell you my stories so that I can hear you repeat them back to me and make them so much more entertaining, like you always do. I think of you almost everytime I hear the word beef, because I think of beef water and it makes me giggle. I think of you for 10 millions reasons and some of them wouldn't even make sense to you, so I think I will stop babbling now.

Please be ok.