Tuesday, August 18, 2009

At my sister's house:

At my brother's house:

My house:


A girl I barely knew from work came over to my house a while ago. She was drunk, staggering, and was fluent in drunkish.
It was about 4 a.m., and her first words to me were "Do you have anything to drink?"
I was still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and I said, "I have coke if you're thirsty."
She shook her head no, and muttered "beer."
I told her I was all out, which was about a six pack short of the truth.
She then asked me for money.
I changed the subject, and asked her how she'd gotten to my house.
As we walked outside, I saw a truck in my driveway, parked at an angle only a drunk could manage.

The windshield looked something like this:

I was fucking amazed that she was able to see enough to find my house. I pictured her driving with her head out the window.

Trying to hold in my laughter, and not being able to, I asked her "Doesn't that make everything look 3D, or do you have fucking fly eyes?"

She slurred out "It's more like 8D."

Apparently being drunk gives you the ability to see in extra diminsions.


Anna G said...

Don't you just love drunken people stories and when try to drive? I hope you got her cab or let her crash at your place. My bro drove home a couple times, than in the morning we see a dent or a scratch on the car. How irresponsible can you get?

Sorry about my rant. I don't like it when people drive drunk or even buzzed.

The Peach Tart said...

Like she needed more beer at 4:00 am. How in the hell did she see out the window? Scary.

John Paul III said...

Damn. Two years ago that would have been me...

Ms. Case said...

8D..that's damn funny. Thank the Lord for the drunks who bring many laughs!

BrightenedBoy said...

See, I'd actually be angry if one of my friends showed up drunk on my doorstep uninvited at 4:00a.m., let alone a near stranger.

mysterg said...

Not only can you see extra dimensions but it makes all members of the opposite sex appear attractive! Mmmm beer.

Soda and Candy said...

Wow, you are so calm & collected, I would lose my shit if that happened to me!!!

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Holy six-pack, Batman – I'm just glad everyone was OK.

Only you could make a story about a drink-driving random colleague into delicious black comedy, Sal. Yet I found this quite sad somehow, and my little inner Jiminy Cricket feels bad that I laughed at "8D".

I fucking love you. You make me think and laugh and cry, and it's awesome.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

That was funny. I've driven home drunk only two times and both of them I was lucky no one was killed. Let alone a window smashed. Yes, I was an idiot.

j said...

never underestimate more dimensions. imagine how many boobs are girl COULD have.

yeah, i just blew your mind.

Constance said...

Ok, but do we actually know how that windshield got broken? Nothing on the news about an abandoned corpse found on the roadside a few miles from your house? As a teenager I read about a man who drove home drunk, parked the car in the garage, and then went upstairs to sleep it off. In the morning he had a massive hangover. And body parts dangling from the car in the garage.

Sally-Sal said...

Anna G:
I agree, drunk driving is never a good idea.

She stayed at my house that night. :o)

Peach Tart:
I have no idea. It was scary that she even made it my house.

I'm glad it's not. I'm really proud of you and how far you've come as a person. Loves ya.

Ms. Case:
I used to call her 'dishes'. She had a permanent slur. When she introduced herself it always sounded like she said "Dishes (this is) D".

Drunks don't necessarily have a sense of propriety. ;)

I love beer, and all of its ongoings...

Soda and Candy:
She wasn't too bad. She passed out pretty quick!

girl with the pink teacup:
I fucking love you too! And it ended well, so I can laugh at it now :o)

I always try to be the designated driver, even if it ruins my night.
A ruined night is acceptable. Something happening to the people I love isn't. I'm glad you're okay :o)

Ha! 8D boobs would require lots of hands.

That's scary! Nothing like that happened to her, the windshield was cracked from somebody 'accidentally' throwing a beer or three at it.

otherworldlyone said...

Mysterg's comment reminded me of that song "Billy's got his beer goggles on". I KNOW you've heard it!

8D. Priceless.

somebody said...