Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Just for tonight

I was okay, until I noticed that time was slipping away from us. We spent the first part of the night (when it seemed like all we had was time) laughing, reminiscing.

I didn’t want to notice the time, but it was nine p.m. We’d planned on staying up all night, and had a case of Red Bull to help us do just that. I remember how sobering that was; the undeniable hands of the clock, letting me know that soon this would be over. Once it was over, that was it. We both knew that.

You picked up your guitar, strumming it a little. You’d been humming one song all night, and I’d stop to think about it, how familiar it sounded, thinking if I could just slip into my thoughts for a minute, I’d figure it out. You asked me what I wanted to hear and I remember how bright your eyes were, like there were candles behind them, illuminating them. Beautiful.

“I want to hear the song you’ve been humming.”

So you started to sing, our eyes never losing contact. When I heard what song it was, I wanted to take it back. It struck too close to home. I’d liked that song, but hearing you sing it, hearing your mouth sweeten those words, making them like sugared strawberries, it made the song almost unbearable to listen to.

I could feel my heart beating, I could feel it drown out every thought in my mind.

All I could think about was how moments like this happen. Beautiful memories that can be made, or regret that can be carried.

I could feel the weight of your eyes, my heart pounding, because I was afraid.

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

It’s been so long since I’ve wanted. I could feel the warmth from your eyes, or maybe that was the burning of tears in my own. Maybe you felt it, too, because that was all you sang.

We both sat on opposite ends of the couch. I was thinking about the distance that would be between us all too soon. I could feel the ache of days ahead with no more you, and all the while, that song haunted me, I could still hear it. Worse, I could feel it in your eyes. Your eyes, so intent and intense, I could barely stand to look, but couldn’t stand to look away.

I did my best to try to swallow down the tears, like a fist in the back of my throat. I closed my eyes, tried to swallow all that emotion, and the next moment you were kissing me.

It wasn't soft or sweet, it was raw need. It was everything we couldn't say in words. It was years of love between us.

It was goodbye.


Robbie Grey said...

Simply beautiful...and heartrending.

Baglady said...

Wow. Just stunning and beautiful but sad at the same time.

I never knew it was a Dylan song before N said so when he heard Adele sing it. Such a gorgeous song.

Sally-Sal said...

Thank you. It was a good night. It was one of those rare nights when nothing was left unsaid.

I never knew it was a Dylan song. I heard it for the first time when (don't judge) Garth Brooks sang it for 'Hope Floats'.

I got an email from him today. Just a few lines from a poem that absolutely took the breath out of my body.

Mr London Street said...

This was brilliant and sad. The less said about Garth Brooks, and the more said about your incandescent writing, the better.

becca said...

well done

sweet pea. said...

oh this is just a perfect piece of writing. absolutely perfect.


otherworldlyone said...

So beautiful, Sal. The

And I heard it on Hope Floats for the first time too. That song always makes me all...wistful.

Sally-Sal said...

Mr London Street:
On the subject of Garth Brooks, I agree. And thank you. You always leave the kindest, most thoughtful comments.

sweet pea:
Thank you, darlin'. Glad you liked it :)

That song always gets me, too. The words, to think that someone had that in them to write, just hearing it makes me hope :)

etoile said...

I know this feeling. Tragic and beautiful. So sad.

Jayne said...

Fabulous writing here. Loved this, so beautiful. :)

ladytruth said...

And every time you hear that song you think of that moment, right? A (nother) precious piece of writing, miss Sal :)