Sunday, August 23, 2009

exhilaration: just being happy that the parachute opened.

I had that dream again. The one where I'm getting ready to sky-dive. Only, instead of jumping from a plane, I'm on top of a giant hill, with dozens of other people. So, I guess it's more of a base jump.

After watching a few people jump (and more than a few lose their nerve), I'm wound up.
I'm stressed, panicky, thinking that I can't possibly do this.
Everyone else has jumped, except me. I have my hands tightly gripping the shoulder straps of the parachute I'm wearing.
I start to walk away from the summit, I start to walk toward the stairs, leading back down to the base. I start to quit.

As I'm walking away, something in me refuses to let go, refuses to give up, refuses to walk away.

I turn, and start to run toward the edge. As I'm running, I can hear the people watching (who have decided not to jump) cheer me on. I see the edge approaching, and I run as hard as I can, and swan dive into the waiting air.

The next instant I'm falling. Falling, falling, falling, and oh what a deliciously delirious feeling it is. It's joy, exhilaration, ecstacy, hope, and knowing that I have picked exactly the right decision at exactly the right time. It's the ecstacy of perfect recognition. The feeling that I have become the woman I was always meant to be.
Part of me almost doesn't want to open the chute, because it will mean an end to this headlong rush, this intoxicating fall, but it is a fall of my choosing. I have made this happen, by sheer force of will.

At the last minute, I pull the cord, and the chute opens. Instead of the rushing winds flying past me, I am floating.
The closer I get to the bottom, I can make out the figures of people. I realize that I know them. They're the people who have made a difference in my life. Teachers, friends, strangers, loved ones, family members.
And they're all shouting encouragement.

Even now, sharing that makes me blink back tears.

I wish I could describe, and share, that feeling of exhilaration that this dream gives me.
It describes everything about me.

After I finally reach the ground (in my dream) there is one difference. One very notable difference.

Standing, waiting to meet me is my mystery guy. Before I can see his face, he pulls me into his arms, his heart beating just as crazily as mine.

And that's all.


Anonymous said...

I'm kinda in love with you, Sal...

Mr. Condescending said...

If it wasn't so deadly, it would be nice to fall in the arms of him!

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

Now you see that it's all coming together perfectly.

Soda and Candy said...

Wow, what a fabulous dream!!! I wonder if it will change when you meet The Man.

I always have ones that could be movies, like I am a secret agent or assassin or something.

John Paul III said...

Great dream! I keep dreaming I'm Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius, and when the roadrunner goes by I jump off the cliff, pull the rip cord and my laundry comes out of my pack.

You know they say you die if you hit the ground before you wake up. Not true. I wake up on the floor in the fetal position.

Judearoo said...

Ack, thats gorgeous!
NEVER have dreams like that. If it were me on landing in the arms of my 'mystery guy' I realise he's actually half man half tennis racquet or something equally traumatic.

ladytruth said...

Doesn't it almost make you itch with curiousity to know who it is?!!!! It's not even my mystery guy and I'm all excited after this post :)

the girl with the pink teacup said...

He's out there, Sal. I can feel it. This dream is everything that is wonderful about you, and all that needs to happen for this to become your reality is for him to walk into your life. It's so close.

otherworldlyone said...

Beautiful dream. Beautiful person.

I can't wait for you to meet him.

Sally-Sal said...

Thanks. For the love.

Mr. C:
That would take a lot of talent. My luck, I'd land on him...butt first.

Yes, it is. There's just something about that dream, the exhilaration is fucking wonderful.

Soda and Candy:
I'd like to hear about those sometimes, especially the ones where you're an assassin!

You are crazy.
That made me laugh really really hard.

That would be hilarious. Half man, half tennis raquet... I just picture waffle marks all over the lower half after he's done...

I do! It makes me wonder about him. Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief. Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief...

girl with the pink teacup:
You are so right. And wise. Thank you for always having such lovely things to say. I heart you.

It's your dad, I know it! Just kidding. Loves ya.

JennyMac said...

So provocative! I hope this mystery man makes his presence known.

And I have something for you. Put on your dancing shoes and come over to the Awards party.

otherworldlyone said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH GAWD. I was not expecting that one.

You know...he DID just ask my stepmom for a divorce. You been hanging around his area??

One Sassy Girl said...

I'm jealous of your dreams. Mine always involve mundane things like walking the dog or having a serial killer chase me. The usual. But oddly enough, one of my recurring dreams that a wave washes away my loved ones from the beach as I sit by in horror just happened... in Maine. Luckily, not my friends but really, WTF?? Does that really happen?
So this mystery guy... I dig him. I want one, stat. Hope it all comes to fruition soon!!

mysterg said...

Now this is a dream! I hope it comes true (although not literally as picking up the pieces of your mystery guy out of a Sally-Sal shaped crater would ruin it a bit)

katieleigh said...

this is so beautiful, I couldn't stop reading and I'm brushing the goosebumps away from my arms

Mega8815 said...

Goosebumps. Definitely. Sounds so free... I love it! And the end? WOW!

Sally-Sal said...

Thank you for such an awesome award!!!

Maybe the area of his boxers. Maybe.

One Sassy Girl:
Oh, I have some crazy dreams, as well. One about demon tomatoes comes to mind...weird.

It would be terrible to find him...and then land on him and crush him. :)

It's one of the most incredible feelings, this dream. Glad you liked it :o)

It was amazing! The falling, the floating...

somebody said...