Monday, September 21, 2009

Mom, why does that horse have five legs?

I had a lightbulb moment earlier today. I figured out who Mr. Fowler looks like. Colin Firth.

Mr. Fowler looks exactly like him. Maybe that's the reason I've had a crush on Colin Firth for years, or as I call him when we're alone-- Col.

This is probably the actual expression Mr. Fowler had when he saw me humping that tree:


One of the things me and my mom have in common is the fact that our 'first penis sighting' was the same man. And no, it wasn't my dad.

Mom was a cheerleader, and one day after practice, when they were putting their pom poms up, or doing the splits, braiding each other's hair, smoking tampax, or whatever it is that cheerleaders did, she went into the gym with a few of her friends.

A few guys thought it would be funny to drag one of their teammates out of the shower, pink, dripping wet, and embarrassed.

One of the the things my mom told me was "He was a very big guy." That was her way of telling me he had an enormous horse cock.

This guy had the very apt nickname "Donk". I have no idea what his real name was. He was simply, Donk.

Anyway, Donk was one of my dad's good fishing buddies. On this particular afternoon, it was me, my brother, my dad, and good old Horsecock.
We only fished for a little while, and as we were walking back to our car, the sun was setting.

The sun was setting, I was about five or so feet behind Donk, he was wearing white shorts, walking into the sunset.

It was the culmination of all these factors that gave me my first glimpse of the penis.

I remember looking at him, seeing something swinging vigorously from side to side and thinking "what the hell IS that?"

After puzzling it out for a very long time, I finally just gave up.

[seven years later]

I was a freshman in high school, and for whatever reason, that memory was triggered in home ec. I laughed until I cried. Donk + white shorts + setting sun + epiphany = good times.


Ed Adams said...

Thanks for the visual. Now I have to throw out my white shorts.

Sally-Sal said...

White shorts are just a bad idea all around. It's not just tempting fate, but fucking begging for something bad to happen :)

Imnotbenny said...

I am sort of in this place between laughter and horror because I can't get this image out of my head.

So thanks for that!

Sally-Sal said...

You are so welcome. It took me years to actually know what the big, swinging pink thing was.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

Fucking funny shit. I can tell you, I'll never have that problem.

Sally-Sal said...

Seeing a dong through a sunset? ;)

Mighty Hunter said...

I'm a little curious to know why this memory was suddenly triggered in your freshman year in Home Ec. What were you making, bear claws? Long Johns? Sausages?

Sally-Sal said...

The home ec teacher had to repair a pair of gym shorts...heh.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahaha, good times indeed.

; )

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

Seeing MY dong through a sunset.

From the O-Zone said...

Woman + tight white shorts + black thong = erection

Philtron3030 said...

"Sally-Sal said...
White shorts are just a bad idea all around. It's not just tempting fate, but fucking begging for something bad to happen :)"

Correction: White short on Dudes are just a bad idea all around.

One thing that baffles me...why do dudes with big hogs find it appropriate to swing them around? As if they are luring wild animals out of hiding with food. Last time I checked, most females will not go down on that baby arm just because your swinging it. Than again...I lack the abilities to test this theory.

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

I think I just woke up my house howling with laughter. But thanks for that.

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's a good thing you didn't see it angry. 'Donk' was also David Cassidy's nickname - for the same reason.

Judearoo said...


Did you tell ever yer Mam you share more than an X chromosome, Sal?

Lauren said...

Colin Firth = fucking hot. :)

And talk about awkward, lol.

Proud Maisie said...

Not into Firth, but damn, that's an image I didn't need in the morning. The pants, not Firth.

Surge said...

"Woman + tight white shorts + black thong = erection"
My thoughts exactly, and this whooollleee post me giggle hahaha
still goinggggg.

Mega8815 said...

Oh Yummy Mr Fowler!!!!
Thanks for THAT yummy visual and not so thanks for the Donk visual...

The funniest thing is:

[seven years later] ...

Don Don Doooonnnn... haha!!!

The Peach Tart said...

I personally enjoy seeing a man's junk swinging in the sunset but not at that young impressionable age.

otherworldlyone said...

Colin Firth is good looking, but for some reason he always makes me giggle. Must be a Bridget Jones thing. I don't know.

As for The Donk...hilarious. Loving that nickname. Last guy with a huge penis to be nicknamed around here was "The Great American Challenge".

Also, Philtron's comment made me laugh.

Politics of Love Chick said...

See now that's the thing you should have mentioned first! Have you any idea what that tree rubbing story would have done for most of us women had you added that IMPORTANT fact?

I think I need to go back and re read that story immediately. Oh, Mr. Fowler here I come...

The Dark Tower said...

Funny! Reminds me of my high school days, it took me that long to figure that sex is more than just standing around naked staring at each other for a couple of hours.

Thank you Arnorld Schwarzenegger for not clearly explaining the process in Terminator 2!

Sally-Sal said...

Very good times. Mr. Fowler and Mr. Firth ;)

I'm sure Lady Hem loves the sight of Tennys Kong Dong.

That sounds uncomfortable.

That was hilarious. Maybe they have to swing them around to make sure the blood stays pumping...

You're welcome! Thanks for stopping by :)

Angry? Tell me more of this.

I'm pretty sure I've told my mom that story. She knows most of my less than stellar stories ;)

It wasn't awkward. I didn't understand it enough to make it awkward :)

It was really pink. Like bubble-yum pink.


That's a long time to have a light bulb moment, isn't it?

I had no idea what it was, so there wasn't any emotional scarring ;)

He will always be Mark Darcy to me!

Politics Chick:
Mr. Fowler was a little bit of heaven on earth. Sigh.

The Dark Tower:
Ha! I thought sex was so much greater than it was...thanks, Cinemax!

Dutch donut girl said...

Hahahaha... hilarious!
You call him Col? Well, I call him my British love God when we are alone.

Philtron3030 said...

I have no idea who Mr. Fowler is...but for some strange reason, I envy him.

Happy hunting ladies...

jules said...

How often can a Mom and Daughter say their first peen sighting was from the first guy! Thank goodness it's entirely innocent on both accounts!

(Popped by from Hot Piece of Sass, You're really funny!)

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