Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The house next door to me is a five bedroom, two story number. Naturally, only college people rent it. When I say college people, I mean boys.

A year or so ago, I had the best neighbors ever. I think there were about seven or eight college guys living there.
When I'd come home from work, they'd already have their drink on.
Usually, they'd offer me a beer, or a burger (they were always grilling meat. Men after my own heart.) or just some random conversation. They were good guys. I was sort of sad when they moved out.

The neighbors I have now are douches.

I have no problem with people having parties, even loud parties, because I'm pretty laid back.
What sucks, is that these parties are usually on Monday-Saturday. The music consists of fuck-you style rap, and it's so loud the windows in my house rattle.

Almost every time they have a party, the cops make a guest appearance. Sometimes the cops have to show the boys their bed and breakfast. Other times, not.

Well, lucky for me, a 'for rent' sign cropped up on their lawn. I was super happy about it.

These guys are determined to go out with a bang.

Last night, as I was reading, I heard yelling, screaming, general mayhem.

I stepped out on my front porch, and saw something that made my night.

One of the boys was running, fucking hauling ass down the street, as he was being pelted with baby diapers.
My genius neighbors decided it would be a good idea to throw dirty baby diapers at him as he ran away.
That was pretty funny, until one of them decided that the only thing better than throwing shitty diapers at one of their fellow hoodlums, would be to throw flaming shitty diapers.

I still couldn't stop laughing, but I went inside, shaking my head.

I got tagged by Mr. O-zone to answer some questions, so here goes :)

- Where is your cell phone? my house
- Your hair? Dark brown, short and flippy
- Your mother? Is probably an angel

- Your father? gay (that was the nicest thing I could say that is the truth)
- Your favorite food? tubesteak
- Your dream last night? Me, Dean Winchester, the back of the Impala.
- Your favorite drink? Chimay, or gin and tonics.

- Your dream/goal? leaving this world a better place for my actions
- What room are you in? your dad's
- Your hobby? writing
- Your fear? tornadoes--you can't argue with that kind of destruction
- Where do you want to be in six years? my own physical therapy practice
- Where were you last night? watching neighbors throw shit. literally
- Something that you aren't? Jewish
- Muffins? Blueberry.
- Wish list item? A man who makes every other man pale in comparison.
- Where did you grow up? A farm.
- Last thing you did? Drank Diet Mountain Dew
- What are you wearing? Jeans, a hoodie, and a big grin.
- Your TV? off
- Your pets? One jerk cat, but I love her.
- Friends? My bff is probably telling people how her husband breaks stuff.
- Your life? Is blessed.
- Your mood? caffeine euphoria
- Missing someone? Nish
- Vehicle? parked
- Something you're not wearing? A bra. I like to let the ponies run.
- Your favorite store? Pottery Barn. I love those 3 foot candles.
- Your favorite color? green
- When was the last time you laughed? The last email I read. But not about Chuck Norris, it was Christie Brinkley, I swear.
- Last time you cried? Last night. From laughing.
- Your best friend? Nish
- One place that I go to over and over? my store of great memories
- One person who emails me regularly? Mary
- Favorite place to eat? Ted's


mysterg said...

Look on the brightside, you may have douchebags for neighbours but at least you get to ogle cops on a regular basis!

Sally-Sal said...

True. Although there's this really short one who usually shows up to deal with these douches. He looks like he needs to sit on a telephone book to see over the dash.

Ed Adams said...

Much love Sal! I hope I sent you a Funny Award. If I didn't, it was only cause I didn't have your e-mail.

j-face said...

fajita chicken enchiladas.... so good.

Sally-Sal said...

Lovins right back! I thought your funny awards were awesome. And the choices were spot on.
my email: breastasaurus at gmail.com

So, you're making dinner for me tonight? Otherwise, that's just cruel.

Surge said...

I have to wear a bra 24/7 even though my tits are like B, i feel like people can see my nips a'floppin

Bad feeling.
Burning baby diapers? Genious, and stolen.

Mighty Hunter said...

Do you like your tubesteak juicy?

Flaming shitty diapers. Boys will be boys, won't they? Having said this, though, I've never thrown a flaming shitty diaper at anyone. Seems to me to be a waste of a perfectly good diaper.

Surge said...

What exactly is a shitty diaper used for, Mighty Hunter, other than throwing?

Sally-Sal said...

I'm working with a pair of D's, and today I just thought 'fuck it'. Life is too short, I'm gonna go with it.

Mighty Hunter:
I hear that smothered in underwear is the best.

I give those boys high marks for their creativity.

Mighty Hunter said...

Well, Surge, if pressed, I'd have to say that a shitty diaper can ALSO be used for fertilizer, but I'm guessing that only shitty CLOTH diapers are the best for that.

From the O-Zone said...

Thanks for doing that dreaded list. Your kittens are safe.

Speaking of kittens... oh, never mind.

p-huong said...

I actually giggled when I read "- Where did you grow up? A farm."

Shaunak said...

The back of the Impala or an impala? There's a difference y'know :P

Throwing diaper's good shit! One of my friends recorded something similar one fine drunk night.
Then burnt the tape.

otherworldlyone said...

I'm probably the only one that wondered about this, but...

How did they get these shitty diapers? Did they steal them from someone's trash? Did they have a family member with a baby that donated to their cause? Or did they go out and buy packs of diapers and shit in them?

Diapers are fucking expensive, you know.


I'm getting so fucking old. At least I laughed.

Philtron3030 said...

Hurling flaming bags of shit might be a favorite pastime of mine...

ladytruth said...

I wonder who'll be moving in next? Maybe a Vietnamese family obsessed with cooking. That could be good, right?

Imnotbenny said...

My neighbors never throw flaming shit at each other. I totally have the wrong neighbors.

Sally-Sal said...

You're welcome, good sir. It was the fact that you called me incomparable.
Flattery will only get you in my pants. True fact.

It's the same reaction I get from people when I tell them I grew up on a farm. I guess it's the lack of overalls and skoal. :)

If it was the back of a black 67 Impala, I'd be okay with it.

I'm going to need details of this alleged tape.

I wondered that same fucking thing.
Knowing these guys, they probably just stole someone's trash. They aren't above it.

Do you live next door to me?

Anything would be better than these fuckers. Anything.

I will fly my neighbors out to your state. Just say the word.

Maryx said...

HAHA!! What a bunch of neighbors!
Shitty Diapers? Do I even wanna know where they got it...?!

Good luck with that hey!

somebody said...